My priority list

My husband, and my marriage, are my most important priorities.

I'm saying this outloud so that I never forget this very true statement. 

We just returned from a much-needed vacation, just the two of us.  I was feeling particularly burned out -- exhausted, tired and sore from the constant lifting and running after two children.  The considerable bulk I'm carrying around my middle isn't helping matters either.  We haven't had time like that together in well over a year, and we were definitely feeling it.  Although we're very blessed and have my mom who is always willing to babysit for us, it's getting harder and harder to just get out and spend time together.  Forget about extended periods of time, even date nights are getting challenging. 

Being away, with no responsibilities, was a dream.  The warm weather was a plus, but it was really more about being together and being able to focus on JUST each other.  Well, and ourselves a little bit too.  Let's be honest, being able to feed myself first, when and how much I wanted, was almost the nicest part of the whole vacation! 

I know many people are probably thinking "how can you not put your children first"?  As mothers, we're almost preprogrammed to put the needs of our offspring before our own, to continually sacrifice for their betterment.  Only enough food in the house for the kids?  Mom will go without.  Laundry needs to be done?  Kids clothes are always clean, and mom can wear those dirty pants again (who will notice one more day?).  Only have enough money for one extracurricular activity?  Well Little Johnny can play soccer this summer, and mom will do without a haircut for awhile. 

I don't really subscribe to this way of thinking.  While I admit that more often than not I look a little bit frumpy (it is hard to be a stylish, pregnant, stay-at-home mom), I refuse to be "that" woman who has beautifully groomed children while I go without new clothes for years and years.  I refuse to let them be the only ones in this house that enjoy life.  And I REFUSE to let them grow up in a house where mom and dad don't have anything in common anymore.  I see having balance among family members as being the best way to put my kids first.

My health and well-being is important.  If I don't feel good about myself, I won't have the energy to devote to the others who need me to be "on".  Sometimes that means getting a hair cut.  Sometimes that means doing something I love, like playing baseball once a week in the summer, or going out for dinner with friends.  Sometimes it means doing something drastic like leaving for the weekend.  My husband deserves that alone time as well.  He goes hunting in the fall, fishing in the summer, and this summer he, too, is going to play baseball once a week.  It's important that we feed our souls so that we can be emotionally (and physically) healthy for our children.  It's also important that we teach our children that while they are they most important people in the world to us, the world does not revolve around them.

But really, what matters more than those things, is that we have a happy and healthy marriage.  My husband and I were a team before we had kids, and once the children grow up and become more independent (and eventually, hopefully, leave home), all we'll be left with is each other.  If we spend the new few years focused only on the children, we'll have nothing left when the children are gone.  More importantly than that, my children deserve to live in a home where their parents love each other.  Children grow up with good self-esteem and confidence when their home life is happy, and we (the parents) are the foundation of that happy home.  Also, I want to show my boys what they should be looking for when choosing a mate, and my husband is a shining example of how they should be treating their future partners. 

So is it selfish that we take time away from our children?  Maybe.  Personally, I see it as an investment.  An investment that they will grow up to be secure, confident young men.  And an investment that I will have a partner for my whole life, not just a partner "for now". 

So let me ask you....have you dated your husband lately?  Have you dated yourself?  Maybe it's time to spend a little less on shoes and clothes for your children and a little more on finding something that feeds your own soul.  Your children will thank you for it, I promise.