I am a yo-yo...

My weight has been yo-yo-ing for as long as I can remember.  The last 6 years have been the worst.  In my twenties it didn't seem to be that big of a deal.  A few pounds on in the winter, and then when baseball season started in the spring, I'd shed them.  By the time I turned 25, that became harder and harder to do.  I'd put a few on in the winter, but then not lose it all in the spring.  The following winter I'd put on a few more...well you get the picture.  I started to compound.  Like interest, but not as good.

Six years ago, almost to the day, I hit my highest weight ever.  I was in a terrible marriage and very depressed.  I was emotionally eating and I LOOKED like it.  I managed to get out of the situation, and in a short period of time dropped the weight.  I got some counselling and a new outlook on life.  I was the happiest I'd been, and I LOOKED like it. 

Five years ago I met my husband.  We've had a beautiful life together, and I can now say I am absolulely the happiest I've ever been.  Sure, we've had to deal with a few ups and downs, all of which brought some new weight to my curvy figure, but who hasn't had some setbacks?  We've been blessed with two beautiful children, and I'm quite sure I love this man more now then the day I married him.  And he loves me, no matter what I keep doing to my body. 

So what's going on?  Why now am I back up to my all-time highest weight?  I'm not emotionally eating.  I've been there, done that....I know what it looks like.  Why is it that I have become obsessed with ensuring my family eats healthy, but I am overweight and sluggish?  I'm doing all the right things, I have all the right tools....what gives?

In the middle of the night, while nursing my baby, I reflected on this.  I haven't been emotionally eating.  I've been thoughtlessly eating.  A very different thing with basically the same result.  Sure, I've got all the right food in the house, and I prepare healthy meals.  My problem has always been portion control.  And, I haven't been putting the right foods together.  Of course, there is also my overwhelming addiction to sugar, and all-things-bad-for-me.

I love food.  I'm not going to lie.  I love a beautifully prepared meal, with a great glass of red wine.  And I will always have dessert.   I don't think once in awhile that will hurt.  What's been hurting me is the constant late-night snacking.  The big portions.  The CARBS.  (I love my carbs)

Day 5 has been a success.  4lbs down.  How many more?  I guess that's up to me.  Clear and present eating.  That's my plan for tomorrow, and the next day, and the next....