1 + 1 = 4?

There is a message board I frequent, and a lot of us "regular" posters have been around a few years now.  I've been a member since I was pregnant the first time...so more than three years now.  Many of us have already had our second baby, but there are lots of women still contemplating taking the plunge again.  In my real life, I have never encountered this, but there seem to be a lot of women in my online life that question whether or not they should have another baby.  Even if they planned on having multiple children, somehow they get caught up in the small details about having another baby and it becomes too overwhelming. 

The most common question asked to the "moms of two or more" is this:  Is it a lot of work going from one child to two? 

Honestly, adding another child to make us a family of 4 was almost no work at all.  However, I also didn't find it a lot of "work" to add one child to our family.  I often think that people who ask this question had a very hard time adapting to how their lives changed once they had that first baby.  Or, they had a difficult baby, or some other issue, that made the whole experience seem like work. 

The most recent online coversation around this brought out several interesting answers.  Several of us answered that no, it wasn't that much more work.  I mean other than having to get two kids ready to leave the house, it hasn't been that difficult of a transition.  It just is what it is.  But one woman was seriously amazed that no one thought it was more work -- she almost inferred that we were lying by not admitting to the woman asking the question that yes, indeed, it was difficult and challenging to have another newborn in the house.  Of course, this woman has had two very premature babies -- her first born at 28 weeks and the second at 30 weeks.  So yes, in that situation I would say it probably WAS a lot more work.  That isn't a normal situation at all! 

Many women find that once their children hit a certain age, things seem to be so much easier and they can't imagine going backwards (so to speak).  So the question always seems to get asked by women who can't imagine disrupting their family of 3....they've got a good routine going, their child is starting to be more independent, they can't imagine the sleepless nights and all the "work" of a newborn, they can't imagine loving a second baby as much as the first, they can't imagine taking the attention away from the first born....really, a bunch of excuses that didn't ever factor into my decision making process. 

I know we were lucky with our first baby.  He was a dream.  Easy going, good sleeper, adapted well to change, lovely personality, social.  We KNEW we had it easy.  But having an "easy" baby wasn't motivation for me to have another child.  I've always wanted to have children.  Plural.  We have always planned on having three children, but honestly, I'd have more.  Adding another member to our family hasn't been difficult, nor has it been more "work" for me.  Sure, the dynamics of the family change, but that isn't a bad thing. 

But if I'm being perfectly honest, things aren't as easy this time around.  It isn't adding another member to the family, it's adding THIS member.  This baby is a little bit harder to figure out.  He's definitely strong willed, got a mind of his own, and is growing at such a rapid pace that it has caused us quite a few issues.  He was a pretty good sleeper until he started teething.  He doesn't deal with pain well.  He's moving through gross motor skill milestones at such a rapid pace, I'm pretty sure he his brain can't keep up with all that change either.  I'm tired and long for the sleep-through-the-night times of the first baby. 

So would I do it again?  ABSOLUTELY.  There is no question that if I had to do it all over again, I would do it exactly the same way.  I wouldn't wait for fear that it might be hard on me.  I wouldn't choose to NOT have this baby because despite the challenges he gives us, he is so happy and loving and affectionate...he really is a light in our house.  And knowing that this time we haven't sailed through the way we did the first time is also not reason enough for me to stop having children.  I want more.  I want more because these children are my heart and my joy and I'm so blessed to have them.  They teach me more about myself and more about the things I want for our life than I could ever learn on my own.  They've given me the gift of patience (which I'm still perfecting), the appreciation for time, and the kind of love I didn't know existed.  And hopefully I'm loving them enough that they'll take care of me in my old age.  Just kidding.....

So if you're asking yourself, "can I do this again?", I am here to promise you that you can.  Because unfortunately (or fortunately!), nothing lasts forever.  The constant waking of the newborn stage is gone in the blink of an eye.  What was the reason you wanted to have a child in the first place?  Go back to that reason, and no matter what comes your way, no matter what kind of personality your next child has, you'll be able to cope.  Because you realize it's all worth it when those little arms are wrapped around your neck and your cheek is wet with their slobbery kiss.