A birthday celebration

Today would have been my sister's 30th birthday. 

I loved turning 30.  I was happy to get out of my twenties, which were problematic, traumatic and fraught with disappointment, stress, depression and yo-yo weight gain/loss.  A month before I turned 30 I met my husband, and things in my life were really starting to fall into place.  I was happy.  I threw myself a party (you know...if you want things done right, do them yourself....) and had a great time.  My biggest regret from that night was not spending more time with my sister.  My sister loved dancing.  She was having a great time at the bar, and didn't want to leave with my mom.  I promised her I would take her out dancing.  I never got to follow through with that, as 2 months later she unexpectedly passed away. 

I often wonder what she'd be like now.  Would turning 30 be as big a deal to her as it was to me?  Would she have met someone who really understood her?  How would aging affect her and her health? 

Saying "I miss her" is an understatement.  Sometimes the feeling of loss is so overwhelming, I'll find myself crying in the strangest places.  (One day, I was walking down our street, pushing the boys in the stroller with tears streaming down my face.  I'm sure I looked like a crazy person)  Part of me just misses HER.  She was definitely a unique person, and we didn't always get along, but she was funny and generous and kind...I miss having her in my life.  It also makes me desperately sad that she never got to know my children.  I know she would love them, and she would be around them all the time.  She would have been such a great influence for them. 

So tonight, we will get together and celebrate her.  The things she said, the things she did, and hopefully through our storytelling around the dinner table we can give the kids a glimpse into what she was like and who she really was.  I never want to forget those pieces of her, because I can still learn lessons from her pure heart even now.  But the biggest lesson is never put off til tomorrow what you can do today.  Because you never know when that 'tomorrow' might not come.