Chores

I'm a terrible housekeeper. 

There, I said it. 

The fact that this is a very true statement haunts me.  I long to be a better housekeeper.  I desperately want a clean house.  A house with no clutter.  A space that doesn't make me die of embarrassment everytime the doorbell rings unexpectedly.  In my head, I'm very organized.  I see the problem and I know what I can do to fix it.  I see the mess around me and I know if I just got the broom out, I'd feel so much better.  But the truth is, I hate cleaning.  Sure, once it's done, I feel better and the clean brings about a sense of calm in me.  But getting the motivation to clean is my biggest struggle.  I would rather do just about anything else. 

I could give you a million excuses as to why things don't get done.  I've heard of every plan in the book, and I've even tried to institute them into our routine.  The one I like the best is the "get one thing done every day" plan.  Sounds easy, and it breaks the cleaning down into manageable chunks.  I still hate it, and avoid it like the plague.  Some days it works, some days it doesn't. 

So what's my problem?  This is my job, and to be honest, I'm not used to being so terrible at my job.  Maybe that's very 1950's of me, but we are very blessed that we're in a position for me to stay at home and raise our kids.  I feel that because I'm home, there are certain things I'm responsible for.  Child rearing is one aspect of my job I take very seriously.  I want to soak up every minute with these kids because they are growing way too fast for my liking.  Playing, reading, hugging...this all takes time.  It's all stuff I'd rather do than clean.  Having said that, I do feel that certain house chores are also my responsibility.  I like making dinner, I like baking, and I love laundry.  Other than that, I could be perfectly content if I never had to clean another bathroom. 

However, what impact is the messy house having on my kids?  I don't want them to think that clutter is okay.  I want them to start helping with small chores.  The toddler sometimes will help clean up his toys, and he loves to help vaccuum.  Obviously I want to encourage that behaviour, which is hard when I hate our vaccuum! (For some reason, I can't convince my husband that buying me a Dyson will make me want to vaccuum)

I need to get a handle on the problem.  But where do you start when you feel so overwhelmed?  My mother is a wonderful motivator.  It's the Victoria Day long weekend, and while my husband is away fishing, my mom is usually over here, helping me start a big spring clean.  However, she's away this year.  Leading up to both my mom and husband being away, I was more focused on the fact that I was going to be alone this weekend.  It wasn't until this morning that I realized I really do look forward to a big clean-up weekend.  It's nice having someone else around to motivate me, and the results are always worth it.  So somehow I need to harness that feeling to motivate myself. 

sigh. 

I suspect this will be harder than actually doing the work.  Anyone have any motivating tips for me? 

Changing your mind

When having a discussion with someone, what does it take to change your mind?  In a debate, will you fight your side to the end, or are you open to an alternative point of view?  If someone tells you something, do you believe them, or do you require them to come to you with a sourced list of proof?

I love learning new things.  Well, when the subject matter interests me that is.  I'm certainly not signing up for any math classes these days!  I've noticed that I'm quick to believe things that are shared with me when a) I trust the person who is giving the information and b) it sounds true.  And by that I mean that it sounds like common sense.  When I decided to change my lifestyle, one of the first things to go had to be sugar.  Considering I'm a sugar addict, you would think that would have been difficult for me.  But as soon as I started finding out what sugar actually does to you, it became easier and easier to give it up.  (I'm referring to refined sugar -- I still use organic cane sugar, or other natural sugar alternatives when baking etc) 

I tend to be a bit ...zealous...when I'm passionate about something.  I'm acutely aware that I could learn a bit of grace in that department.  However, I find it very painful when people have information right in front of them and either refuse to believe it, or don't bother seeking out information in the first place!  I have found myself in several conversations lately where I am either debating with someone who clearly doesn't want to change their mind, or who has asked that I provide them with proof to back up what I was saying. 

Proof?  What kind of "proof" would make you believe me?  And what is the point of a debate unless it is to open your mind to an alternative point of view?  Of course, as I'm writing this, I realize that when it comes to certain subject matters, I'm never going to change my mind either.  But if you're seeking out the information, are you doing so because you actually want to learn? 

Keep pushing yourself to learn and grow.  Eat better.  Exercise.  Stretch your mind.  The proof will come when you feel better and know more.  No one will believe you when you tell them how easy it is. 

Out of the mouth of babes

We're all aware that children teach you things about yourself.  Things like patience and unconditional love.  But every once in awhile they throw a curve ball, and all of a sudden you're learning a new lesson you weren't really expecting.

My brother and I have had a challenging relationship for the last 15 years -- or more.  He struggled quite a bit in his teenage years after my father left.  He's never really found his way in life, and although he is getting much better, he still isn't healed emotionally from all the trauma we experienced.  His way of "acting out" is basically to ignore his family and disappear for weeks on end.  It's better now than it used to be -- we at least now know where he is (he has a steady job and has been in the same apartment for 5 years).  Eventually we know he'll make an appearance or return a phone call.  At the risk of protecting his pride, I won't go into vicious detail about all the terrible things he's done in his lifetime.  We can just leave it at the fact that he has hurt me.  A lot.  And often.  What hurts the most now, however, is the disappearing.  It bothers me to no end that his family seems to matter so little.  He would never dream of cancelling plans on his friends or his girlfriend, but he thinks nothing of telling us he'll be somewhere and then just won't show up.  I don't understand the need to lie.  And then of course, true to his pattern, when he doesn't show up or lets us down in some way, he feels guilty and "disappears" for a time.  And the cycle continues to repeat itself.

I am at the end of my rope with him.  I wouldn't let anyone else treat me this way, so why do I continue to let it happen with my brother?  Two months ago, I told our mother I was done with him.  I didn't want him included in my birthday celebration because I didn't want to give him the opportunity to say he would be there and then not show up and ruin my birthday.  Of course, mom invited him anyway and as usual he didn't show up.  It's one thing to treat us this way.  But my kids are almost old enough to realize they have an uncle they never see.  It bothers me to no end that a) he seems to have no desire to have any relationship with his only nephews and b) that he is the only uncle (on my side) that they have and they don't have a relationship with him.  As a mother, my first instinct is to protect my children from hurt.  I don't want them to ever be hurt by my brother's lacklustre attitude toward family.  I'd rather have no relationship at all with him if it ensures that he doesn't keep up this behaviour with the kids. 

And then the toddler shows me what it means to really love someone, no matter what. 

At night, we've started saying prayers with the toddler.  He will say "thank Jesus for..." and then proceeds to list off who he wants to thank Jesus for.  His uncle makes the list EVERY time.  Sometimes I have to prompt him to remember me (!!!) or his brother, but never his uncle.  He talks about seeing his uncle.  He wants to call him on the phone.  Considering he hasn't seem him all that often, he just seems to intuitively know that his uncle needs to be loved just a little bit more than anyone else. 

My mother has infinite amounts of patience for her son.  Even when he's repeatedly treating her badly, she that just knows one day he'll come around and her job is to love him and be there for him when he does.  I look at my own sons and although I pray we're never in the same position with them, I also hope that if we are, I will have the patience and fortitude to love them extra hard through their struggles. 

For now, I will follow the toddler's lead and just love my brother and work hard to accept him for who he is.  When he does come around, I'll make the most of our visits, and let him forge his own special relationship with my boys.  Maybe that's all he really needs anyway -- a little acceptance.  Isn't that what we're all searching for in life?  To be loved and accepted for who we are?

I am glad my almost-three-year-old has such high emotional intelligence, and I'm even more grateful for the fact that I'm paying attention.