Monday, September 20, 2010

Man plans, God laughs

I'm a planner.  I can't help it.  I've been this way as long as I can remember, and it isn't likely to change.

I've taken some flack for this in my life.  The non-planners in my life tend to appreciate this quality about me.  Other planners tend to either appreciate it, or fight with me about it.  The thing about planners is we tend to be "type A" personalities.  When you're friends (or colleagues) with other A types, conflict can happen. 

There is comfort in plans.  Knowing what is going to happen, and when, can bring stability.  My childhood and teenage years were rather unstable, so I think my insatiable need to have my life planned out came from that.  When I was young and single, every minute of my spare time was planned out.  Which seems crazy looking back on it -- I had relatively no down time, and no time to be spontaneous.  But, I liked it that way.  It was comforting to know that I always had something to do, and always had someone to do it with. 

As I've gotten older, I still like to plan things.  However, I now appreciate the beauty of a "plan free" weekend, and the ability to make plans on the fly.  So while every minute of my life isn't scheduled, there is still an underlying plan to everything I do.

Fortunately, I married a planner.  We work well as a team.  Now our plans include where we want to be in the coming months, what our life looks like in 5 years, and what we want our retirement to look like.  We plan for our children's futures as well as our own.  We're very responsible (ha ha). 

Having children was part of our plan.  We even planned out how many we would have and when they would come. 

Until this summer.  This summer, I learned a valuable lesson.  My life lesson is that you can't put too much faith in the plans that you make, because ultimately it's not you in control.  And so, despite our plans to wait a year before adding to our family, we found out we were expecting our third child. 

The news threw me for a loop.  Our other two children (and the baby we miscarried in between) were very planned.  This third baby was planned for, just not yet.  Having my second and third so close together in age seemed daunting at first (they'll be 18 months apart).  We had just gotten the second baby to start sleeping well.  This last year has been exhausting, and I questioned whether I could do it all over again so quickly.  I wanted to enjoy my children a little bit before having another baby around, and all that comes with that (meaning, my dreadful sickness in pregnancy).  I wanted to enjoy my husband for a little while before we added to the craziness of our house.  I wanted to enjoy my house -- do some more renos and prepare properly for three children. 

Once the news sunk in, I was thrilled -- obviously.  We wanted three children.  I'm actually looking forward to having them close in age. I think this is going to be a wonderful thing as they grow.

No matter what, I recognize that we are very blessed.  Blessed that we can have children.  Blessed that I have a choice.  Blessed that we have a good support system around us so that we will have help in the early days (and beyond).  And blessed that we're living the life we truly want.  Whether or not I plan every detail doesn't really matter.  What matters is that I am lucky to be living my dream.  How many women can truly say that?    

2 Comments:

At September 21, 2010 at 5:22 AM , Blogger Sheila's 2010 Adventures said...

Not many can! If there is anyone who can do it, it is you my friend! You have an inner strength unlike any other! Love you!

 
At September 26, 2010 at 5:00 PM , Blogger k said...

Just wanted to say HI! I found your blog through the baby center forums.

 

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