Shame

I often feel that guilt is a useless emotion.  For some reason, women are terribly afflicted with the guilt gene.  Everything we do makes us feel bad for some reason.  If we take time for ourselves and put our family on
"pause" for a moment, the result is instant guilt.  If we eat too much over the holidays, more guilt.  We push our own feelings aside, our own needs aside, our own wants aside, because if we don't....well, more guilt of course!  If you can recognize that by putting yourself first on occasion, you can actually be a better version of yourself, a more present version of yourself, you and your family will all win in the long run.  But it can be hard to get to that place.  The place where you're okay with self-care.

But shame is a different kettle of fish.  Shame is insidious.  The weight of carrying shame around with you can just about kill you. 

I recently found out that an acquaintance is engaged.  The funny thing is, no one really knows the "how they met" story.  At least, not the REAL story.  Everyone thinks they met through friends.  The real story is that they met online.  She is too ashamed to tell everyone how they really met. 

I find this SO odd, especially in this day and age.  When you're in your thirties, how do you meet people?  And why be ashamed of something that is obviously successful?  I'm very proud of the fact that I met my husband online.  I feel very blessed that we had the internet as a dating option, otherwise I never would have met him! 

I also know a woman who is so ashamed of her eating, she hides it.  Food is hidden all over the house, and she'll eat chocolate in her closet just so no one will know. 

We all have something we're ashamed of.  If we think long and hard, there is something that we're still carrying around with us.  Carrying it like a weight and paying the price for that weight.  Weight ...literally and figuratively for some. 

I'm no different.  There are skeltons in my closet too.  I've carried the shame, but I've let it go.  It doesn't serve me anymore.  There is no pay off, there is no reward.  Let that be your gift to yourself this year.  Let it go.  Let it all go. 

I choose me.  No guilt.  No shame.