Tough times

Today started off very badly.

The baby had a great sleep last night, and woke up once...at 4:30.  But when he was still up at 5:15, I admit I totally lost my patience.  Not sure where the unreasonable rage came from, but fortunately my beloved husband stepped in and took over and got him back to sleep.  Poor little bean had a lot of gas, which is why he couldn't get back to sleep.  He ended up sleeping until 8:30 after all that, and so did the toddler, so I was able to recover. 

But the rage continued when I got on the scale for my weekly weigh-in and the scale hadn't moved.  Seriously??  I just couldn't believe that with everything I'm doing there has been NO change. 

Fortunately, I was able to put it out there to my support team and I immediately had the support I needed to let go of my anger.  Really what I wanted was answers.  And I was given some, which helped!

I really like to know the "why" of things.  I am pretty easy going and can let things happen, but when I'm invested in something, I don't like ambiguity.  I need to know if A happens, then B will be the result.  So when I hadn't lost weight, I just wanted to know that there was a reason, and I wanted it to be a concrete reason.  Thank goodness for our fearless detox leader who was able to give me those answers and reassure me that things ARE happening! 

What took me by surprise the most was the level of rage I felt this morning.  I have felt so calm and even through this process, I was amazed that something so small set me off.  I hope that's just my system releasing more toxins.  I'm grateful that my husband was here, and then my support team stepped in and I managed to get things under control quickly!  More importantly, I didn't even feel the urge to eat.  Nor did I want to give up.  It actually reaffirmed for me the reasons why I started this process in the first place.

I need this.  I need to keep working at being a better version of me.  Yes, a thinner version of me is important. But it's MORE than just weight loss.  I'm glad I was reminded of that this morning.