A new obsession

I can feel myself getting obsessed. 

When I'm interested in something, or learning something new, I like to research.  When we decided we wanted to start trying to have a family, I became obsessed with learning about my body.  I had been on birth control for so long, I knew very little about how my system worked.  I read a wonderful book on the advice of a good friend, and have since made many of my female friends read this same book (really, it should be required reading for women...it's shocking how little most women know about their bodies).  I loved learning about how my system worked, and am now very in sync with my body.  After giving birth to the toddler, I became obsessed with all things birth related.  I loved learning about the how the body works during pregnancy, labour, birth and postpartum.  I couldn't get enough of the knowledge, and pursued it into a new "career".  While pregnant with our second child, I decided that we would use cloth diapers.  I researched and researched and researched all the multiple options.  The more I learned, the more I wanted to know.  When I finally pulled the trigger and bought some diapers, and then started using them....well, much to the dismay of my husband, I discovered a new obsession.  I love finding the nicest diapers on sale, and trying out new and different options that will suit our many needs.  They really are quite pretty too. 

You get the picture.  I'm not really a "half way" kind of person.  It's all or nothing with me.  And if I'm being truly honest, if I'm going to bother putting any of my valuable time and energy into something, it will always be ALL of me. 

I grew up with a mother who was very ahead of her time.  In the 70's, as the world was slowly becoming more and more hooked on "conveniences" like formula, disposable diapers and processed foods, I was fortunate enough to be born to a woman who believed in extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, and natural clean living.  My mother is amazing.  She had three children under 5 by the time she was 28 years old.  She was married to a man who was significantly older, and significantly useless when it came to parenting.  Even before she was officially a single mom, as far as I'm concerned she raised us all on her own.  We were fed, cared for, clothed, sufficiently disciplined, and lived in a clean house to boot. 

I've often wondered how she did it (I think she sometimes does too).  When feeling my most tired, my most sluggish, I couldn't figure out how to keep on top of anything in my life, much less EVERYTHING.  It's tough living in that kind of shadow.  Fortunately, I have a mother who believes in helping me out, not judging me.  I'm grateful for that. 

Looking back, I don't really remember my mother ever having a weight issue.  I'm sure, like any woman, she struggled with her looks and weight.  But I don't ever remember her crash dieting, or joining Weight Watchers, or doing any of the other crazy things women did in the 80's to lose weight.  When she started going through menopause, she never experienced the crazy symptoms you often hear women describe.  Amazingly, she was really fairly even...for several years... as her hormones changed. 

Knowing what I know now, I can say with absolute certainty that my mom has been able to keep her hormones balanced because she has always treated food as food.  Meaning, for her, food doesn't come in a box.  She prefers vegetables to meat.  She doesn't overly care for sugar or sweet things.  And as much as possible, she will eat organic (or at the very least local) produce and meat. 

My weight issues really began in late university.  If you had asked me when I was 16 if I thought I was fat, I would have told you yes.  But I wasn't.  I was a healthy weight and active.  By the time I reached university, my diet had started to favour more processed and "easily accessible" food choices.  I still lived at home, so many meals were still under my mother's control, which is why I think I didn't balloon earlier than that.  By the time I moved out at the age of 24, I was eating hardly any fruit or vegetables, and more and more meals from a box.  My weight began to creep up.  I was less and less active.  I avoided walking, choosing to either take the bus or drive.  Add in a disastrous relationship with both my father and my first husband, and "emotional eating" took on a whole new meaning for me.  By the time I was 29 I was at my all time highest weight.  I wasn't sure how I got there at the time, only that it seemed to be overnight.  I tried crash dieting.  The soup diet.  Weight Watchers.  Starvation.  Deprivation.  Nothing worked. 

I started to do crazy things to my metabolism.  Anti-depressants not only helped my through depression, they helped me shed the excess weight.  I dealt with my emotional issues through months of therapy.  I thought I was cured. 

After getting married in early 2006, my weight started to creep up again.  I thought it was because I was happy and comfortable.  In reality, it was because we ate out a lot, had no concept of portion control, and ate a lot of processed foods with relatively little fruits and vegetables in our diet.  I was frustrated, so I went on anti-depressants again PURELY for weight loss.  Of course, they didn't work.  Well, they worked to mess up my metabolism, but didn't help me shed the weight.  Then, getting pregnant helped to mess up my metabolism further.  To say I get sick when pregnant is an understatement.  I take morning sickness to a whole new level.  So, my body lives in 'famine' mode while pregnant, and then as soon as I have the baby, it goes back to 'feast'.  Long story short, for the last several years I have been the worst kind of yo-yo. 

When I got pregnant with the toddler, I decided our crazy processed life needed to stop.  It wasn't how I wanted to raise my child.  So, I started introducing organic foods into our family.  I am a proud extended breastfeeder.  I made my own baby food.  I have limited sugar in my child.  The more I learned about how our food is made, the more it made me want to only have organic foods in my pantry.  The more I learned about how chemicals affect our life, the more it made me want to change EVERYTHING.  I couldn't stop.  I kept learning and learning, wanting to know more and more so that we could be better.

All this time, it was never about my weight.  I continued to be a heavy weight, just with healthier choices in the fridge. 

And then someone came along and taught me how to put all these things together.  For me, it's been like a switch has gone off in my head.  I had all the tools in my toolbox, but I wasn't using them all correctly.  And I just want to know more. I love learning about how to incorporate clean eating into all aspects of our life.  I've been trying new recipes, which has been fun.  There is so much information out there on gluten-free/sugar-free living, there aren't enough hours in the day for me to find it all.  I have two books on my nightstand on the go...and neither are fiction.  I am quickly becoming obsessed with finding new baking recipes to try.  I'm planning on how to change my pantry and fridge so that they both can accomodate the many new gluten-free flours I'm going to need on hand.  I can't stop.  More importantly, I don't WANT to stop. 

I feel great.  I've lost 10lbs.  My breastfed baby's skin has cleared up (he had some dry patches) and his cradle cap is almost gone.  His sleeping issues have been corrected.  The toddler's cradle cap has nearly cleared up.  He hasn't had any issues with constipation in over a month.  He is getting a bit more adventurous with eating and is now wanting to try vegetables and is eating fruit like it's going out of style.  My husband has lost 10lbs.  His sugar intake has been drastically reduced. 

I'm totally and utterly hooked.  Now, off to do more internet research and read the lastest post in my newest favourite blog....